Editor’s note: This is the final installment of “From Doubt to Discovery,” a six-part series chronicling Eden Prairie Local News contributor Rachel Engstrom’s experience with ketamine-assisted psychotherapy. In this chapter, she reflects on the overarching themes, lasting insights and ongoing work of integration.
Readers can find Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 and Part 5 here.
When I arrived at my integration appointment on Nov. 21, 2024, I carried the weight of the weeks since my final ketamine-assisted psychotherapy (KAP) session.
Originally scheduled for just a few days after my Nov. 1 treatment, the meeting had been delayed nearly three weeks. During that time, I navigated challenges, practiced new tools, and gained clarity about my next steps.
Alex, my integration therapist, and I reviewed my progress, discussing the shifts I had experienced. The theme of “enough,” introduced in my second session and reinforced in my third, had become a guiding principle. Together, we decided I was ready to pause KAP – not as an end but as a space to incorporate what I had learned. I felt comfortable with this decision, knowing I could return if needed.
Putting tools into practice
The weeks following my final session provided moments to apply my newfound insights:
• Nov. 2: A day after my last KAP session, I received a letter notifying me that my insurance had been cut off as of Oct. 31. While the situation was eventually resolved, it tested my ability to stay grounded. I used my RAIN (Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture) and STOP (Stop, Take a breath, Observe, Proceed) mindfulness tools to avoid spiraling into panic.
• Nov. 8: I gave a presentation on Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction to a room full of educators – pushing me out of my comfort zone. When my video failed to play, I adapted, skipped sections, and stayed composed. The overwhelmingly positive feedback left me feeling proud and capable.
• Nov. 11: A four-hour wait for an oil change would have once left me fuming. Instead, I stayed calm, even finding moments to smile and dance a little.
Themes of transformation
Embracing ‘enough‘
This lesson didn’t just emerge from KAP – it has become a way of being. I’ve learned to let go of chasing perfection and external validation, instead embracing the present. Activities like listening to music, dancing, and mindfulness help ground me in the belief that I am enough.
Driving as a mirror
Driving, once a major stressor, has become a space for practicing emotional regulation. Using tools like RAIN and STOP during commutes has helped me stay calm and manage triggers. Each drive now feels like an opportunity for self-reflection rather than frustration.
Genuine connections
Small acts of kindness, which once felt forced, now happen naturally. I’ve learned to assume the best in others and extend grace rather than judgment. This shift has deepened my connections and made my interactions more meaningful.
Advocacy and self-compassion
One of the most transformative takeaways from KAP has been learning to advocate for myself without over-apologizing. This self-compassion has extended into therapy, relationships, and daily interactions. It also led me to transition to Parts Therapy, an approach that allows me to explore and harmonize the inner conflicts that KAP revealed.
Parts Therapy and EMDR
After KAP, I began a combination of Parts Therapy and EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) with therapist Jen. In one session, I recognized a defensive part of myself – a “puffer fish” that inflates in my chest when triggered. Instead of shaming this reaction, I’ve learned to approach it with curiosity and gratitude for its attempt to protect me.
EMDR sessions have also been profound. By integrating trauma, I’m reducing hyper-reactivity and strengthening my ability to respond rather than react. Though emotionally intense, these sessions leave me feeling more grounded and resilient.
Life after KAP
Since completing KAP, I’ve made intentional changes to support my well-being:
• Physical care: My shoulder pain has decreased dramatically through daily baths, yoga, monthly professional massages, and a massage gun.
• Mindful movement: I dance to music that brings me joy and use bilateral sound therapy to quiet distractions. I sing louder, dance bigger, and fully enjoy the moment.
• New adventures: I’ve finally registered for ski lessons – something I’ve wanted to do for years. I’ve also set a goal to read 30-plus books from my home library in 2025.
Looking ahead
As Alex reminded me, healing isn’t about perfection – it’s about practice. The lessons from KAP, Parts Therapy, and EMDR aren’t static; they evolve with me.
Today, I embrace the quiet power of “enough.” While KAP may be on pause, the journey continues – with each breath, each choice, and each act of self-compassion.
This series set out to share one person’s experience with KAP and its potential for healing. Though the sessions have paused, the tools and insights continue to shape daily life. For those exploring mental health treatment, I hope these reflections offer perspective, encouragement, and a reminder: healing is deeply personal – but you’re not alone.
Key takeaways from Rachel Engstrom’s integration process after ketamine-assisted psychotherapy
- Driving scale: Holding steady at 3 out of 10, showing continued success in managing stress behind the wheel.
- Shoulder pain: Now at 1-2 on a 10-point scale, a dramatic improvement from what once felt like 40-plus grinding gears.
- Parts Therapy: Aiding in identifying and softening internal conflicts first uncovered during KAP.
- Mindfulness tools: STOP and RAIN techniques, paired with bilateral music, remain daily practices for emotional regulation.
- Self-care practices: Yoga, dancing, music, and massage are part of a regular routine. Ski lessons offer a new physical and emotional challenge.
- Radical acceptance: Embracing “enough” as a way of being, not just a therapeutic insight.
Goal updates
- Reduce reactivity: Mindfulness is now central to staying calm and present.
- Reframe thinking: Ongoing Parts Therapy continues to reshape old patterns.
- Self-advocacy: Support-seeking and boundary-setting now come instinctively.
From doubt to discovery: Part 6
This final installment of the six-part series chronicles Rachel Engstrom’s experience with ketamine-assisted psychotherapy (KAP). Here, she reflects on what endures – the tools, insights, and mindset that continue to shape her daily life as treatment pauses.
“From Doubt to Discovery” has offered a first-person look at one patient’s KAP journey – from preparation and treatment to integration and recovery. Engstrom hopes the series offers perspective, reassurance, and a sense of connection for those navigating their own mental health path.
Editor’s note:
Ketamine is a dissociative anesthetic that has been used in medical settings for decades. In recent years, it has gained attention as a treatment option for depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder under clinical supervision. While early studies point to its potential for people with treatment-resistant mental health conditions, ketamine therapy remains a developing field, with ongoing questions about long-term outcomes and equitable access. The death of actor Matthew Perry in 2023, following unsupervised ketamine use, brought renewed attention to the risks of at-home treatment and the need for medical oversight. This series reflects one person’s experience and is not intended as medical advice.
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