No love to be found in ‘Love Hurts’

Ostensibly, “Love Hurts” is an original movie. It’s neither a remake nor a reboot, nor is it based on existing source material. For that alone, it deserves some credit, as does Universal Pictures for backing and distributing a film that finally puts 53-year-old Ke Huy Quan at the top of the call sheet in his 40-year career.

But that’s where the positive remarks end for “Love Hurts.” All of its “original” ideas have been seen time and time again, all of its well-marketed stunts have been executed better by other action properties, and all of its holiday-related sentimentality is so undercooked that it might as well be served to the vultures. Love does hurt, but so does having to sit through a movie that you know won’t do anything more than be a void for your precious time.

“Love Hurts” is still at least inoffensively entertaining, mostly from the effortless charm that Ke Huy Quan had kept from the world for nearly two decades before he returned in “Everything Everywhere All at Once.” He campaigned nonstop for almost twelve months between the film’s world premiere at the 2022 SXSW Film Festival and the 2023 Academy Awards, culminating in his victory in the category of Best Supporting Actor. Every single one of the hundreds of interviews and speeches he conducted felt genuine, a rare feat in the increasingly politicized and performative game that is awards season.

Quan’s enthusiasm for having a leading role is completely infectious, giving his character an immediately rootable spirit. He plays Marvin Gable, a Milwaukee real estate agent who always sees the bright side and greets every day with a smile. But while there is authenticity behind his demeanor, it’s also a coping mechanism to cover his shady past as an assassin for his crime-lord brother. It’s a life he’s left behind, although it doesn’t seem like he tried very hard as he still lives in the same town and took a very public job that has his face plastered on every bus station bench. I guess Clark Kent’s strategy of simply putting on glasses to hide his identity is more scientific than I thought.

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But even if Marvin’s brother is egregiously oblivious, his former “lover” Rose (Ariana DeBose) isn’t. She’s supposed to be dead, at least in the legal sense, after Marvin betrayed his brother’s orders and let her flee instead of being executed. Now she’s back to get revenge on Marvin’s brother’s syndicate and break Marvin out of the dull existence that she thinks is a lie.

I use “lover” in quotes because Quan and DeBose have zero romantic chemistry together. The 20-year age difference doesn’t help, nor the fact that Marvin’s constant annoyance at Rose’s chaotic nature never once hints at a past infatuation. It’s never a good sign when a climactic kiss makes an audience wince instead of swoon.

The film marks the directorial debut of Jonathan Eusebio, a veteran fight and stunt coordinator with a long list of credits that include a smattering of MCU titles, the John Wick franchise, and “The Matrix Resurrections.” The choreography is expectedly up to par, with 87North Productions and John Wick head honcho David Leitch serving as producer. But Eusebio’s camerawork and editing don’t reach the heights of his boss, the punches and kicks never landing with enough force to garner a physical reaction.

Even with a runtime of a mere 83 minutes, much of “Love Hurts” still feels like weightless padding to justify the feature-length treatment. If they stripped this down to its essentials, then maybe it could have been a half-decent short film, or, heaven forbid, a Quibi original. I still doubt it, but at least everyone would have saved themselves the few precious dollars we need to save in order to buy eggs.

Universal Pictures will release “Love Hurts” in theaters nationwide on Feb. 7.

Eden Prairie resident Hunter Friesen is a film critic who owns and operates The Cinema Dispatch, a website where he writes reviews, essays, and everything in between. He currently serves as the president of the Minnesota Film Critics Association and travels the globe covering film festivals both big and small. To view his entire body of work, you can visit his website and Instagram.